


Almost

by Liyyah



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Not really sure what to tag this tbh, Unrequited Love, it wasn’t meant to be me and you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 12:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12169188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liyyah/pseuds/Liyyah
Summary: Harvey chose Paula and Donna walked away once and for all. She hasn’t seen the man who broke her heart in about a year. Until now.





	Almost

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so honestly this is me dealing with my own shit through writing and transferring my own feelings on to Donna after my day yesterday because this is my coping mechanism. Hope it doesn’t suck too much.

It had been two years since Donna left New York.

Two years since that fatal kiss with Harvey.

They had argued like they never argued before, spewing ugly words at each other that neither would ever be able to take back. They were a ticking time bomb that had been building for over twelve years and finally, in the wake of Donna’s decision, they exploded.

But for the first time in over twelve years, they had _talked_. About _them_.

Millions of conversations that were all overdue, blended into one.

And it ended where he didn’t choose her.

So Donna put herself first for the third time in over a decade and left the firm. Left _him_.

Harvey protested at first. He fought her on that too. But eventually even he realised that Donna had gotten her heart broken by him one too many times. So he did the selfless thing and let her go.

He let her go when she walked out of her office for the last time.

He let her go when she left the city altogether.

At first, merely seeing Jessica on a daily basis was too much because all she did was remind her of Harvey. But after a while, that raw pain faded into the background. It was still there, haunting her, an ever present companion. However she learned to live with it. After all, it wasn’t as if she had a choice.

Besides, Donna soon found that she really liked her job at Jessica’s firm. She enjoyed working for and with the older woman. And soon she found herself warming up to Chicago. In the beginning it had been nothing more than a reprieve, an escape from the man who had shattered her for the last time. But it crept up on her and one day Donna opened her eyes at six in the morning and realised this was _home_.

She still kept in touch with Rachel, Mike and Louis. They were family. In fact, the last time she had been in New York was about a year ago, for Mike and Rachel’s wedding where she endured being the maid of honor while Harvey was the best man.

After all the official stuff was over and couples started making their way onto the dance floor, Donna had stood aside, trying desperately to ignore the stab of pain at the sight of Harvey and Paula swaying together. Rachel had soon appeared at her friend’s side, worry in her eyes but Donna swallowed her anguish, putting on the mask she had been wearing for years as she assured the bride that she was fine. Donna could tell that Rachel didn’t believe her and she had to practically drag her back towards Mike herself but she refused to let anything ruin this night for the newlyweds. And a broken hearted Donna Paulsen would certainly diminish Rachel’s happiness.

Now, Donna was once again in the city because of Rachel. She had told her the news of her pregnancy over Skype and Donna insisted they needed to celebrate in person so she hopped on a plane as soon as possible.

At present, both women lounged on the couch, glasses filled with non alcoholic wine. Donna had also insisted on a show of solidarity.

_If you can’t drink alcohol then I’m not drinking either. Just for tonight at least._

Rachel had laughed, eyes shining and Donna didn’t think she had ever seen her so happy. Mike had done the smart thing and made himself scarce the minute the red head showed up, claiming he had some work that he needed to finish at the office.

So Donna listened intently as Rachel babbled excitedly about anything and everything concerning babies and it wasn’t long before they started throwing around baby names.

They had filled three pages with girls names alone when Donna realised just how late it was. In the middle of their laughter and raiding the fridge Donna had lost track of time. As she declared that she should be heading back to her hotel, it hit her how much she had missed this. And it was that feeling that began to take root inside her which prompted her to promise to visit more often.

The feeling only strengthened when Donna was out of the house, soaking in the sensation of the New York air as she stood in the middle of the street. She missed this place too.

Caught up in the moment, Donna decided to walk rather than call for a cab, wanting to hold on to the night for a little bit longer. However she had barely made it two steps from Rachel and Mike’s when a familiar car pulled up and out came Harvey Specter.

Donna froze, her legs forgetting how to work as the earth stood still.

She saw the exact second Harvey spotted her, his eyes widening in surprise as he took her in.

He didn’t move either.

Time halted and everything around them fell silent. The stars looked down, waiting for one of them to make a move.

Surprisingly, it was Harvey who took the first step.

He started walking towards her and the movement caused Donna to blink, shaking her out of whatever trance she had briefly fallen into. She made her way towards him as well, trying her best to ignore her pounding heart.

Both of them came to stop a few feet away from each other but it was still close enough to make every hair on Donna’s arms rise.

“Donna,” Harvey said softly in _that way_ , something fluttering in her stomach as an automatic response. “What are you doing here?”

“Rachel told me the news and I just had to fly out,” she replied, using every ounce of her energy to keep her voice composed.

“Yeah. I think she and Mike have bought every baby book in the city.”

“They have. She asked me to tackle the bookstores in Chicago for her next,” Donna quipped immediately because her friends’ house _had_ been overflowing with books.

Harvey smiled, a little thing but it still tugged at the strings of her heart.

_She had missed that too._

“Do you like it?” Harvey asked quietly. “Chicago?”

“I do,” she said in earnest. “It’s different from the city. But in a good way.”

Harvey nodded but Donna knew he would never understand. He loved New York too much.

“What about you?” she questioned. “How are things at Specter Litt?”

“You know how it is. One thing after the other.”

“Is managing partner finally taking a toll on you?” Donna teased.

“Me? Never?” Harvey smirked.

“Hm soon all the hair on that pretty little head of yours will be grey.”

“I could say the same for you.”

“Oh please. I’m Donna. I don’t age.”

At that Harvey let out a laugh, one of those rare sounds that she would usually have the pleasure of hearing.

Donna grinned in response, flashing her teeth in a way she hadn’t for about two years. Warmth swiftly filled her up from her head to her toes.

_She had missed being the one to make him laugh._

The two of them stood there, looking at each other with the corners of their mouths turned up. He was staring at her the way he used to, the way that set her on fire and _oh it still did._

It could have been any other night. A night where they both left the firm long after everyone else, working a case to the bone. A night where Harvey would generously give Donna the car because he felt like walking.

A night where Harvey would wait for her with flowers, proclaiming _I’m a Donna fan_ , three words that made her heart soar.

For a few minutes, they were _Harvey and Donna_ again and she let herself get lost in his eyes one more time as a slight breeze caressed her skin.

Standing on the sidewalk beneath the sky Donna felt herself beginning to fall again.

Suddenly, Harvey’s phone rang, breaking the spell. He fished it out of his pocket and Donna caught sight of a flash of blonde hair on the screen. The man before her quickly looked up, uncertainly flitting over his features.

But Donna wasn’t going to stay there and watch him choose Paula Agard over her again.

“It’s late. I should go,” Donna said quickly, brushing past Harvey before he could say anything.

“Donna wait!” he called out and her chest seized.

However, she couldn’t.

But this was _Harvey_ so she spun around to look at him for just a second.

“It was nice seeing you again,” she said with a tight lipped smile, so different from the grin she sported only moments ago.

She instantly turned back, walking away as fast as her legs could carry her as she ignored the concern in Harvey’s expression because the last thing she wanted was his goddamn pity.

Fingers closed around her lungs, rendering her breathless. She forgot.

_She let herself forget._

She saw him again and he looked exactly as she remembered. _They_ were exactly as she remembered.

It was too easy to fall back into what they were. She forgot how easy everything felt with him.

She saw Harvey again and it felt like _home_.

But that was the thing.

He wasn’t.

Everything may have felt the way it used to but it wasn’t.

Harvey wasn’t hers anymore. Hell he never had been.

 _They_ never had been.

Donna thought she had accepted the fact that she and Harvey weren’t meant to be. That she wasn’t the one for him.

Yet there were still times when the simple fact would slap her in the face.

_It wasn’t her._

_It would never be her._

All of her old wounds ripped open and she stained the streets in red as she bled out on the pavement. Eyes burning, she tried to swallow the lump in her throat but couldn’t.

Because for a few moments, it felt like maybe it could have been.

However Donna and Harvey were destined to be nothing more than an _almost_.

A wish that never got made on a shooting star. A whisper that never quite fell from one’s lips.

They were merely a story that never had the chance to be written. Incomplete from the very start.

Maybe they would have been beautiful. But the world would never know.

Harvey may have been the sun in Donna’s universe but he couldn’t have been bothered to even make her a star in his.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments sustain me btw just putting that out there lol


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